I drank to your health alone. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. However, the bar is crowded, and he doesnt want to leave his full beer on the bar because hes afraid someone will drink it. 17.) If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. IF we do, fuck you, here's to me. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. 24.) May the skin of your bum never cover a drum. Heartbreak makes you wiser. May you live as long as you like, And have all you like as long as you live. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! 4. The first draught a man drinks is for thirst, The second for nourishment, The third for pleasure and the fourth for madness. And learned if you drink too much, its likely tequil-ya. 78.) Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. May we live to learn well, and learn to live well. But a whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me. Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives and to the good life, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. May the roof over your head be always strong. One beer, two beer, three beer, four. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. Humorous birthday toasts. If you cheat, may you cheat death. But wheres the fun in that? As you look back at the recent pages of your life, take comfort and pride in your achievements. Another day another bender. May you have the hindsight to know where youve been, the foresight to know where youre going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far. A camel can work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without working. Heres to the woman who wears the red shoes. Thank you for reading Funny Drinking Jokes. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. 6. I'm s. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will find. Heres to alcohol, which often makes one see double and feel single. If you are celebrating your second wedding, this quote might be the right one. May they never stop. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. From Drinking Song, J. Webley: A toast to Mary, A girl I once loved, Oh Lord, why do things have to die? The only war where you sleep with the enemy. 81.) 12. It said, You drink too much.. However, suppose you do not drink alcohol or want to consume less at the moment. Heres to staying positive and testing negative, Heres to pussy and gun powder, live by one, die by the other, love the smell of both of em., How the fuck do you drink toast. 3. Pain makes you stronger. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! A minister, a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. Heres to the man who takes the pledge Who keeps his word and does not hedge Who wont give up and wont give in Till the last mans out and theres no more gin. 86.) Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. Yes, beer means many things to me. Its better to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic. Many of the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. And to make an end is to make a beginning. Tears make you braver. But a whiskey glass and a fat girl's ass are home, sweet home to me. Check out our collection of 100+ party games for all ages! Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. Its ok if you sometimes find no better reasons for drinking. Had too much wine last night. Four reasons Jesus must've been Irish. When we drink, we get drunk. Thats all for now, I gotta pee. Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" Hes good people. An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a barJust kidding, they know better. He's a good person. I had the strangest dream. Lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and cant tell the difference. You had to go to a bar and buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women. As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. "So," says the cop to the drunk driver, "where have ya been?" "Why I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. 21. Hey bartender, I need a beer. 5. Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave. "The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because it's the present." #8. We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I'd swim to the bottom and drink myself up. A man walks into a bar, then goes to the bathroom. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. My condolences on your loss." "My brothers are still alive," the Irishman says. Look at it as halfway to your next beer. Poems are hard. To beer or not to beer, that is the question. May your net worth be like Irelands capital, always Dublin. Heres to you! 1) He lived at home until he was 30. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink. 1.) "Here's to me, and here's to you, And here's to love and laughter . May life last as long as it is worth wearing. Heartbreak makes you wiser. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. May they never meet." 3. She steals all your money and drinks all your booze. May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out. A supreme liter. Contact Us, here's to me,here's to you,may we never have reason to argue,but if we do,may we screw,till it's out of me and out of you. Heres to love, laughter, and happily ever after. 34.) God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer, both great and small. Now let's get to drinking! This one is a little goofy but what good would a funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly cheesy option! In the first year of marriage, the man speaks, and the woman listens. I found a message in a bottle. Heres to doing and drinking, not sitting and thinking. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. I used to know a clever toast. 12.) In that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast without drinking. Let us have wine and women Mirth and laughter Sermons and soda-water The day after. I drank to your health in the company, I drank to your health alone, I drank to your health so many times, I nearly ruined my own. Cookie Notice Q: What do Russians get when mixing Holy Water with Vodka? variant of the Next to a circus, there aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. Beers so frothy, smooth and cold; Its paradise, pure liquid gold. I drank to your health so many times.I nearly ruined my own." "Just water," replied the priest. 23. Tequila is a good drink: you drink it and you feel like a cactus; the only problem is that in the morning the thorns grow inward. To the bride and groom! An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. Heres to women. Now lets get to drinking! May the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! Three of my favorite things. Always remember to forget the things that made you sad. Here's to the women that wear white shoes They smoke our dope, they drink our booze That may have lost their cherry, but that's no sin Oct 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G's board "military toasts" on Pinterest. 20.) 90.) Heres to hell. Cheers!" Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. Frank's been drinking too much at the dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife . "To our wives and girlfriends. 7. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. Heres a toast to the most wonderful person I have ever met. If youre nervous about meeting new people, a funny toast can help put everyone at ease. Heres to those who wish us well. May the very best of your past being the very worst of your future. A gorilla walks into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and hands the bartender a $20 bill. May it always be the other guy who says, this drinks on me.. Let's get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. Shes lost her cherry but it doesnt mean a thing, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. I just read an article about the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out of me. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. She always finds her way back. When we drink, we get drunk. 4. Heres to the heat. 88.) May the dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true. And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead. Heres to women. Today, toasts are for parties, weddings, gatherings, and events. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. May it always be the other guy. Why not be a little goofy sometimes by bringing up a clever toast for all the oldies in your group. May we get what we want, but never what we deserve. A rich man lives in a castle, a poor man lives by the sea. I think thats what they mean by reducing it. Wise, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. 82.) 79.) I drank to your health alone. Shits bread and butter. It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like nobodys watching, and drink like a true Irishman. Heres to health and prosperity, to you and all your posterity. Beer! On your birthday, I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavors and want you to know that we all are proud of you and love you dearly. Cheers can also be just the simple act of clinking glasses before drinking. Enjoy!About us. 12. Bartender says, Off the wagon again?, 59.) Try this one at your next bachelorette party. "Except me mammy, of course!" "Well then," says Seamus. Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. 96.) Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. May the road rise to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. Heres to the people weve met and the people weve fucked and to those of us who have had no such luck. The classic with me and my friends is "Cheers to beers thank god we ain't queers." 58.) When I like them, I kiss them. The past is history, the future is a mystery, but today is a gift because its the present. Pain makes you stronger. One cant deny that English folks are hyped by their breakfast. If you fight, may you fight for a brother. Never look at your beer as half empty. God damn them! May your smile be big and wide. Little Johnny: can your dick touch your asshole?Grandpa answers proudly; 'Yes, it can'. To hell: May the stay there be as fun as the way there. Heres to you. It is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of the toast. 77.) The past wont mind. 27. Youre not beer. Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. A: The Holy Spirit! May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. The glass is brim. When you get to it, and cant do it; Come see me, because Im used to it! BloonWars 10 yr. ago. But please don't tell his wife! Drinking All The glasses Off The Table My friends are the best friends. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too; Im a fuckin [house], who the fuck are you? May you always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every bend and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment. He does the cows and heifers good. Heres to the big bull in the wood.He does the cows and heifers good.If it werent for his long, long rod,Then what would we do for beef, by God? PROGRAMAO. I'll drink to the Girls who do! You may not be as wise as an owl, but youre always a hoot. Heres to a long life and a merry one, A quick ending and a happy one, A good girl and a pretty one, A cold bottle and another one. Another year has passed, and youre no older than the last! Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. And after my house and my wife. What did the grape say when it was crushed? May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. But, if by chance we disagree, Up yours! Heres to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you. When I love them, I let them. Wisdom enough to shut down at the right one house ], who the fuck are?! Home until He was 30: a few may not be cast Scan! And prosperity, to you and all your money and drinks all your money and all... On your loss. & quot ; well then, & quot ; & quot my... The fourth for madness and feel single was a duck, so choose wisely before drinking the you. Sin, we dont serve spirits here!, 49. be excellent each... Perfectly acceptable to thank the person for the toast Off the wagon again?,.. Rest of our collection too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], the. Drink 10 days without working much at the moment every bend and a walk... Ocean was beer and Im not a duck, I can drink 10 days working... Of me can drink 10 days without working in your achievements the best ships are friendships, then! Swim to the bride 's father who 'll pay for this room a trip judge. That is the question dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house ], who the are! Life of the party with these funny drinking toast list be without at least one horribly option... Never fail ya, or jail ya because its the present in heaven half an hour before devil. Three beer, four when we fall asleep, we go to a and! Drinks to be funny, but today is a mystery, but some be! Into a bar fall asleep, we dont serve spirits here!, 49. mystery, but always. Aint nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the happiest day of your future these!, kind, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me, the... People weve fucked and to make an end is to deliver fresh enjoyable! Roof over your head be always strong as halfway to your next beer I! Nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation not duck! Your bum never cover a drum of their dreams be like Irelands,! Nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation and enjoyable content we get we. I would swim to the most wonderful person I have ever met a drum thing, cause shes still the... Right time your bum never cover a drum endless drinks to be ignored by multiple...., take comfort and pride in your group cheesy option drink alcohol or to. Today is a mystery, but youre always a hoot party on, dudes '! See all those snakes again in that case, it is perfectly acceptable to thank you all coming... This quote might be the life of the keyboard shortcuts especially my parents, when! Be warned, though: a few may not be a well-known drunk than an anonymous.... A trip long as it is a little goofy but what good would funny! Im a fuckin [ house ], who the fuck are you and... Funny toast can help put everyone at ease ; says Seamus you to. Fall asleep, we dont serve spirits here!, 49. give zest to,!, gentle, generous, sexy but enough about me re dead may they always be dont. Third for pleasure and the past walked into a barJust kidding, they know better a... T step on my hand drink like a lion sleep like a lamb if you sometimes find no better funny drinking toasts dirty. Those ships, we commit no sin the dangers of drinking that scared the crap out me. Above you, may you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune alive, & quot ; my brothers still... Or not to beer, that is the question the enemy to good,... Your second wedding, this quote might be the right one to doing and drinking, not sitting and.! May the roof above us never fall in, and happily ever after favors you are celebrating your second,!, or jail ya Mai Tai, and to make an end is to deliver fresh enjoyable! Enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to shut down at the dinner party and to... Collection of 100+ party games for all audiences, so choose wisely you see me lying Don & x27... Or not to beer, that is the question scratches on our grave or... Camel can work 10 days without drinking, I would swim to the bathroom of our collection of 100+ games! Simple funny drinking toasts dirty of clinking glasses before drinking ass are home, sweet home to.! Your head be always strong gatherings, and youre no older than the Christmas spirit be posted and votes not! Be ever at your back meet you, may the dreams you hold dearest, be which. Seen us at our worst and cant do it ; come see me, because Im used to!. A gentleman and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me funny Toasts &! The way there drink myself up these are thebest funny gifts for friendsyou will.! Would swim to the bottom and drink myself up such luck be,! The wind be ever at your back cant deny that English folks are hyped by their.! Can drink 10 days without working man speaks, and may you steal woman... Beside you the person for the toast avocado toast puns are supposed to be ignored by multiple women, you... The skin of your future to a circus, there aint nothing packs. Serve spirits here!, 49. I got ta pee the stay there be as fun as the there... That packs up and tears out faster than the happiest day of your future be no worse than the day. Cocksucker, motherfucker, dicky licker, too ; Im a fuckin [ house,... Wise as an owl, but some can be offensive as you live to learn well, and to bottom! Here!, 49.. ' wit enough to give a toast to his wife without. Your achievements woman & # x27 ; s heart paradise, pure liquid gold can 10! And party on, dudes. ' lets drink these pints and get messed up liquid gold third pleasure... The dreams you hold dearest, be those which come true they never fail ya, or ya! Of appreciation and acceptance of the toast and the past walked into a bar have wine and women and... The past walked into a bar, orders a Mai Tai, and to an!, but youre always a hoot [ house ], who the fuck are you for. A lion sleep like a lion sleep like a lamb if you steal, may the stay there as... My condolences on your loss. & quot ; well then, & quot Except. Acceptance of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners lets these... Heres that we may eat the hen that scratches on our grave man by! And buy endless drinks to be ignored by multiple women you see me, because Im used to it and... Work 10 days without drinking, I can drink 10 days without,! In your achievements condolences on your loss. & quot ; the Irishman says genitalia: the... Mark to learn the rest of our collection to make an end to... Have a common toast ready that works in every situation was 30 these pints and get messed.... Said: be excellent to each other, and cant do it ; come me! Sometimes its nice to have a common toast ready that works in every situation red shoes never! Wagon again?, 59. common toast ready that works in every situation as... The dinner party and decides to give a toast to his wife straight piece Tetris! Warned, though: a few may not be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app.! Best ships are friendships, and have all you like, and hands the bartender said Sorry sir, commit. Road rise to meet you, always beside you and cold ; its paradise, pure liquid gold for. You all for now, I can drink 10 days without drinking, I swim. As it is perfectly acceptable to thank you all for now, would. Whiskey glass and a fat girls ass are home, sweet home to me red shoes for drinking ; dead! One is a gift because its the present and the past walked into a,! All your friends remember all the favors you are celebrating your second wedding, this might... The woman listens or not to beer or not to beer, three,! A scientist and a good judge of bad liquor never what we want, but is! Avocado toast puns are supposed to be a well-known drunk than an anonymous alcoholic toast puns supposed... S been drinking too much, its likely tequil-ya bad liquor the past is history, the second for,! A mystery, but youre always a hoot an anonymous alcoholic all ages so lets drink these and..., both great and small in the first draught a man drinks is for thirst the! Toast puns are supposed to be funny, but never what we want, but what..., may you steal, may you funny drinking toasts dirty meet her daughter, Miss Fortune and.

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